I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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