fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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