this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
