So drunk, too bad you don't want this
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
