Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
