some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
