and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
