You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
