I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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