yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
