I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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