No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
