You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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