Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
