Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
