Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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