she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
