did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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