Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
