just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
