Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
