She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
