mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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