plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
