omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
