well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
