My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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