o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
