she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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