tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
