You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
vagina is talking i cant
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
