Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My bed smells like the plague
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
