Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
