I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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