thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Found your dick twin last night
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
