We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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