Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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