u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
