i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
