I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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