I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
