My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
