we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
