Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
