i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
