I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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