no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
