2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
