Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
