I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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