it was like eating out sand paper
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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