I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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