I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
