The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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