By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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